Articles

Introduction

Central to our survival as human beings is the fundamental need to cultivate relationships. Through effectively engaging and communicating with one another and having an empathic understanding of others as per the Prophetic model, Muslims can create a transformative change and enrich their lives.

The Pursuit of Selflessness

In a community, relationships can profoundly be built and flourish when every individual has a sense of selflessness—an ability to be concerned about the betterment of others. The Prophet ﷺ was the quintessence of selflessness. The relationships he built continued to prosper because he constantly gave others without benefiting; he was the giver, not the receiver.

The Prophet ﷺ was genuinely willing to give without expecting or wanting anything in return. He was emotionally invested in the lives of those he interacted with and the genuine connections he fostered with others allowed them to feel safe around him; they saw him as someone reliable, dependable and trustworthy.

The Prophet ﷺ had every reason to be in a lamentable state. He was orphaned at a young age and he heartbreakingly lost loved ones throughout his life, but instead, he became the source of love and care for those around him. Furthermore, he was able to relate with each one of his Companions on a personal level, without letting the world’s woes put a strain on his relationships.

For example, as a father, the Prophet ﷺ had mourned the loss of six out of his seven children. While he had every right to become bitter in life, he was never inclined to express anger or behave in disagreeable ways after his tragic losses. So much so, Jarir ibn Abdullah described him as a man whose face always beamed with a smile.

مَا حَجَبَنِي رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ مُنْذُ أَسْلَمْتُ وَلَا رَآنِي إِلَّا ضَحِكَ

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ never avoided me ever since I embraced Islam. I would never see him but with a smile on his face. (Sahih Muslim)

If this was the gesture of the best of mankind, it teaches us regardless of the state we are in, nothing should prevent us from being giving, loving and caring toward others. Our relationships should be cultivated beyond reciprocity—where we give generously and unconditionally. Such relationships leave a positive impact and deepen our bond with each other as an ummah.

This was how Islam fortified and the community prospered—out of the Prophet’s cognizance for the people. He understood the vital importance of his every gesture that would affect the tapestry of humanity—which lives on until today through his Sunnah as we acquaint ourselves to him.

Steps to Cultivate Relationships

Cultivating relationships require cultivating character traits, like humility and patience, as dealing with others entails many challenges. If we truly comprehend that we are all imperfect creatures, we will be accepting of others’ shortcomings and tolerant with one another.

Ibn Umar reported: The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:

الْمُؤْمِنُ الَّذِي يُخَالِطُ النَّاسَ وَيَصْبِرُ عَلَى أَذَاهُمْ أَعْظَمُ أَجْرًا مِنَ الْمُؤْمِنِ الَّذِي لَا يُخَالِطُ النَّاسَ وَلَا يَصْبِرُ عَلَى أَذَاهُمْ

“The believer who mixes with people and is patient with their harm has a greater reward than the believer who does not mix with people, nor is patient with their harm.” (Sunan Ibn Majah)

Three steps that aids a person in cultivating relationships:

1. Connecting with the Qur’an

We must understand who Allah ﷻ is and educate ourselves about Him through revelation. The Qur’an will help us establish our purpose to live for Him.

Allah’s first command to the Prophet ﷺ:

ٱقْرَأْ بِٱسْمِ رَبِّكَ ٱلَّذِى خَلَقَ

Read, ˹O Prophet,˺ in the Name of your Lord Who created (96:1)

2. Fortifying a relationship with Allah ﷻ

We should isolate ourselves by praying, as the Prophet ﷺ did. He ﷺ would spend half his night in isolation with Allah ﷻ to gain strength for his daily dues with the people.

Allah told the Prophet ﷺ:

يَا أَيُّهَا الْمُزَّمِّلُ ‎﴿١﴾‏ قُمِ اللَّيْلَ إِلَّا قَلِيلًا ‎﴿٢﴾‏ نِّصْفَهُ أَوِ انقُصْ مِنْهُ قَلِيلًا ‎﴿٣﴾

O you wrapped ˹in your clothes˺! Stand all night ˹in prayer˺ except a little—˹pray˺ half the night, or a little less (73:1-3)

3. Spending time with people

We have to spend time with fellow believers to strengthen our iman. Through iman, we can either impact others or be impacted by others.

Allah commanded the Prophet ﷺ:

يَا أَيُّهَا الْمُدَّثِّرُ ‎﴿١﴾‏ قُمْ فَأَنذِرْ ‎﴿٢﴾‏

O you covered up ˹in your clothes˺! Arise and warn ˹all˺. (74:1-2)

These three elements are necessary building blocks of building human connections. It is the very reason Allah ﷻ created Adam and his pair, Hawa, because relationships are the nature of our existence—and every relationship cultivated in this world, is a connection which extends into the next realm.

Prior to the Prophet’s migration, Madinah was a barren land known as Yathrib, carrying a negative connotation of the land of sickness. However, the Prophet’s presence in Madinah sanctified and illuminated the city—and befittingly so, he renamed it Al-Madinah Al-Munawwarah, which means Enlightened City.

Despite his noble status, the Prophet ﷺ was able to connect to the hearts of its people and win the community over through his ability of cultivating relationships. His interactions had no sense of formality, and he was able to instill a sense of honor and respect amongst them—as proven with the unity of rival tribes, Aws and Khazraj, after years of conflict prior to his arrival.

Allah said:

وَأَلَّفَ بَيْنَ قُلُوبِهِمْ ۚ لَوْ أَنفَقْتَ مَا فِى ٱلْأَرْضِ جَمِيعًۭا مَّآ أَلَّفْتَ بَيْنَ قُلُوبِهِمْ وَلَـٰكِنَّ ٱللَّهَ أَلَّفَ بَيْنَهُمْ ۚ إِنَّهُۥ عَزِيزٌ حَكِيمٌۭ

He brought their hearts together. Had you spent all the riches in the earth, you could not have united their hearts. But Allah has united them. Indeed, He is Almighty, All-Wise. (8:63)

Even after the Prophet’s passing, the community continued to thrive as a result of the love that had been imparted from his Sunnah, through the nucleus of Islam. The Companions were exemplary of such interactions that are filled with sincerity, kindness and love, will indeed go a long way.

Loving each other for the sake of Allah is a transcendent event. It is instrumental as an ummah to think beyond just me, but we—because Islam is more than ourselves and we need each other. Especially together, we can reach greater heights as an ummah as proven through the foundation and blueprint laid by our beloved Prophet ﷺ.

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